Christ-Centered Relationships – Colossians 3:18-21 Bible Study

Scripture: Colossians 3:18-21 (ESV)

*"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."*

Introduction: The Gospel in the Home

Paul has been teaching us what it means to put on the new self in Christ. Now, he shifts the focus to one of the most important places where our faith is lived out—the home.

Many people think of faith as something private between them and God. But the Bible is clear—our relationship with Christ should transform our relationships with others, starting in our own household.

In these verses, Paul gives specific instructions to wives, husbands, children, and fathers, showing that the gospel shapes how we love, lead, and serve our families.

Let’s break this passage down.

1. Wives: Submission That Honors Christ (v.18)

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

• "Submit" (ὑποτάσσω, hypotassō) – This word means to arrange under, to willingly yield.

• Submission is not inferiority. In God’s design, husbands and wives are equal in value but different in roles.

• "As is fitting in the Lord" – This means submission should reflect Christ’s design for marriage, not cultural oppression.

Paul is not saying:

• That women must submit to all men—this is specifically in the marriage relationship.

• That wives should obey sinful or abusive leadership—their ultimate submission is to Christ.

Biblical submission is about respecting and supporting a husband’s leadership as he follows Christ.

Reflection:

• Do you view submission as a God-honoring role or as something negative?

• Are you praying for and encouraging your spouse’s leadership?

2. Husbands: Love That Reflects Christ (v.19)

"Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them."

• "Love" (ἀγαπάω, agapaō) – This is sacrificial love—the same word used for Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25).

• "Do not be harsh" – Husbands are commanded to lead with gentleness, not control.

Paul elevates how husbands should love—not with dominance, but with self-sacrifice. A godly husband:

• Leads his wife as Christ leads the church—through love, service, and humility.

• Does not demand submission but creates a home where his wife thrives.

Reflection:

• Are you loving sacrificially or expecting your spouse to serve you?

• Is your leadership marked by kindness and gentleness?

3. Children: Obedience That Honors the Lord (v.20)

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

• "Obey" (ὑπακούω, hypakouō) – This means to listen under authority and respond in action.

• "In everything" – Obedience should be consistent, not selective.

• "For this pleases the Lord" – A child’s obedience is an act of worship.

Paul teaches that children’s obedience is not just about family harmony—it is a way of honoring God.

Reflection:

• Do you teach children that obedience is about pleasing God, not just following rules?

• Are you setting an example of obedience to Christ that children can follow?

4. Fathers: Leading with Encouragement, Not Harshness (v.21)

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

• "Provoke" (ἐρεθίζω, erethizō) – This means to stir up, to irritate, to push to anger.

• "Lest they become discouraged" – A father’s harshness can crush a child’s spirit.

Fathers (and parents in general) must:

• Discipline without crushing—correction should build up, not tear down.

• Be patient and understanding—children need guidance, not just rules.

• Point their children to Christ—the goal isn’t just good behavior but a godly heart.

Reflection:

• Are you leading your children with patience and encouragement?

• Do your words build up or discourage the next generation?

Final Thoughts: Christ in the Home

Paul teaches that the gospel should transform how we treat our families.

• ❤️ Wives: Honor and support your husband’s leadership.

• 💙 Husbands: Love sacrificially and lead with gentleness.

• 🙌 Children: Obey with a heart that pleases God.

• 👨‍👩‍👧 Parents: Lead with love, not harshness.

Ask yourself:
✔️ Is my home reflecting Christ’s love and order?
✔️ Am I leading or serving my family with patience and grace?
✔️ How can I live out my role in a way that honors Christ?

In tomorrow’s study, we’ll study how our work and daily responsibilities should also reflect Christ.